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Jokes Thread

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by Brandon_148, May 13, 2013.

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  1. Brandon_148

    Brandon_148

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    Do you have any jokes you've been dying to tell? This thread is dedicated to just players telling jokes and having a laugh! Enjoy!
     
  2. Majora_Unmasked

    Majora_Unmasked

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    (I'll go ahead and bump this post for ya)

    There are two scientists at a cafe. One says, "I would like some H2O, please." Shortly after, the other says, "I would like some H2O too." The second scientist to ask, died. Get it? Because "H2O too" sounds like "H2O2" which is peroxide.
     
  3. LupusOmegaX

    LupusOmegaX

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    I'm great friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.
    ~
    Why was the duck arrested? He was selling 'quack'.
    ~
    OFFENSIVE JOKE
    What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.
    DO NOT HIGHLIGHT IF PRONE TO OFFENSE
    ~
    I saw a documentary about how ships were held together. Riveting.
    ~
    How much does pirate jewellery cost? Buccaneer.
     
  4. Qwertyness_

    Qwertyness_

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    The U.S. spent millions of dollars developing a pen that works in zero gravity, the Russians use a pencil.
     
    Hallideadly and oli_cool31 like this.
  5. Tallpines

    Tallpines

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    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    You There!
    Who There?
     
  6. eriqmerc

    eriqmerc

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    What did the letter V say that made the letter U think that the letter V is the most gentleman-like alphabet letter?
    "After U."
     
  7. jimmytightlips

    jimmytightlips

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    Wanna hear a dirty joke? A kid fell into a mud puddle.
    Wanna hear a clean one? He took a bath.
    ~~~
    Why does the Statue of Liberty stand? Because she can't sit down.
     
  8. theminner304

    theminner304

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    Wanna hear a knock knock joke? Two guys walk into a bar.

    What did the fork say to the knife at the party? "You look sharp!"

    Guy wins draw. Hunger Games.
     
  9. RovincE

    RovincE

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  10. ngennaro

    ngennaro

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    Two guys walk into a bar. But the third is a duck :3
     
    LupusOmegaX likes this.
  11. Tallpines

    Tallpines

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    Where do sodas go to jail? The Ginger Jail!
     
    maxwell25937 likes this.
  12. Majora_Unmasked

    Majora_Unmasked

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    This isn't much of a joke, but it's insulting nevertheless.
    "Hey, let's play Horse. I'll be the front of the horse, and you'll be yourself."
     
  13. RLindsey2

    RLindsey2

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    How do you catch an unique animal? Unique up on it.

    What do you call a snail driving a car. Escargo.

    Why was the jellyfish scared? He was spineless.
     
  14. LupusOmegaX

    LupusOmegaX

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    Revived, because I have solid gold right here :D



    Once upon a time there was a jockey. This jockey liked to race competitively, however, his horse was absolutely awful. The horse always made him come last and because of it the jockey was seen as an embarrassment to the horse racing world. Frustrated and upset, the jockey took the horse to a nice, lovely pond to watch the sunset. The sun was lowering itself over the snowy peaked mountains in the distance and the horse was staring deeply at its beauty. While the horse wasn't looking though, the jockey pushed him in, intending to drown him. What the jockey didn't know, however, was that the pond was a magical pond. When the horse fell in, the pond started to glow a bright and mysterious light. The horse rose from its cold, watery depths and glided above the water towards the jockey. The horse then opened its mouth and said “Hey, I can talk now.” Heartbroken that the he had tried to kill this horse, the jockey decided to keep it and take care of it. He had to make sure no one ever knew he could talk, lest he be experimented on by knowledge-hungry scientists.
    Two weeks later, the horse is lazing about in a luxury barn and the jockey is taking a nice, lovely stroll through a field. Weather reports had come in earlier of an incoming storm, but the jockey ignored them, wanting to stretch his legs. This was the biggest mistake he would ever make. The storm came as quickly as a cheetah would chase down a gazelle. Wind was blowing trees over, rain fell harder than hail, and thunder and lightning crashed louder than an airplanes take-off. The jockey tried to get back to the horse, but the wind blew him this way and that. He was the weather’s play thing, until it was done with him. Lightning hit him with a monstrous force and he exploded. His brains went that way, his guts went the other.
    At the jockey’s funeral, the only attendant was the magical talking horse. He stood over the coffin, looked down at the shiny brass name-plate, and wept. A single tear fell from his eye, fell on the coffin, and then the horse left. Stricken with grief and no longer with a home, the horse walked into the city hoping to find some work. He went to every possible job opening he could, but no one wanted to hire a horse, even if it could talk. Depressed and useless, the horse walked into a bar and the bartender says “Why the long face?”
     
  15. theminner304

    theminner304

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    A teenager goes out with some friends one day. Absentminded, he leaves his phone at home. Realizing his mistake, he goes back home to find it. When he retrieves his phone, there's one lone message. Dad: "You left your phone at home."
     
  16. danboe6789

    danboe6789

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    A cowboy buys a horse from a guy who said "This horse used to belong to a priest. So the way to make it go is to say 'Praise the lord' and to make it stop say 'hallelujah'." The cowboy then takes the horse for a ride, and when hes riding toward a cliff, he forgets how to stop the horse. He then remembered and at the end of the cliff, and said "hallelujah". With thanks in his heart, he raised his arms and yelled "Praise the lord!"
     
  17. Tallpines

    Tallpines

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    [Insert Bad Joke Here]
     
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  18. Majora_Unmasked

    Majora_Unmasked

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    We should get a bunch of bad chemistry jokes here and barium
     
    sparten_1117 and maxwell25937 like this.
  19. Dragonslayer314

    Dragonslayer314

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    Lead's not make this into a theme.
     
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  20. Majora_Unmasked

    Majora_Unmasked

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    I thought you'd like to hear a joke about Sodium, but Na.
     
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