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How Does An Introvert Survive In An Extrovert's World?

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by eriqmerc, August 22, 2013.

  1. eriqmerc

    eriqmerc

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    Before I start, let me say, I could have started this thread on a website like socialanxietysupport.com but they keep giving me the same uneffective advice I have heard a thousand times.

    Recently in life, I've been having a lot of problems with my social life. You see, I'm a full-on introvert, if not mostly. I've always found it hard to make friends. I remembered when I first started college in the middle of last year, I had no problem talking to the other freshmen. However, as time went on, the other students found their feet and formed cliques. These cliques had no obvious characteristics (you can't tell if they're preps, nerds, hipsters, etc.) but everyone knew who was friends with who. I've tried my best to talk with people but here I am, a year later, with few friends and almost nobody to hang out with. I stay at a residential college and we are only allowed to head home during the weekends. As a result, I just stay in my room playing guitar, studying and writing stories that I post online.

    I've never seen myself having any similarities with the other boys who either play rugby every single evening or spend nights really late playing DotA. Everybody else just sleeps all day. There are a few other guys on campus who play guitar but those guys just sleep for most of the day and skip classes. They aren't doing too well academically either. I don't consider myself a bad student. I usually get an A or a B in my exams. When I do get a B grade in my exams, I'm only a few marks short of getting an A which is caused by a few careless mistakes here and there.

    My parents have been forcing me to make friends so that when I'm studying for my engineering masters in the UK, I'll have some people I can stay and have dinner with. My home country is really far from Europe and it will take more than half a day to reach there. I look at my parents' friends' kids and they talk so confidently, it's as though they already know me so well.

    Where other boys are interested in soccer/football, I am not. I've tried my best to get into the game but watching Lionel Messi kick a ball around a sphere for an hour and a half doesn't make want to jump and scream "Goal!" at all.

    Whenever I try to talk to people, the starting of the conversation goes fine. After a few minutes things just turn awkward and it's clear to me that when the people I talk to start to look uncomfortable, they're looking for a way to walk away from the conversation. Another problem is, my voice isn't very loud. I've tried to speak in social settings but people just don't seem to notice me. I don't know if they're ignoring me or they just can't hear me. This makes me so confused and frustrated.

    I also think that I've been too nice in life. I've held the door open for girls, gave my seat to the elderly on trains, I've waited until the clock struck midnight to give my mom her birthday gift and willingly took the blame for my friends' mistakes. No matter what I did, I just don't feel like what I've done is being appreciated and I feel taken for granted. I'm starting to decide that nice guys really do finish last, that is if they even reach the finish line.

    The people I know in life have been forcing me to talk a lot. I do talk to people, it's just...I don't see the need to constantly filling the air with my voice. I can't remember the last time I've ever attended a social function without my parents or used a social media like Facebook.

    I just don't know what to do anymore. I've always wished that I could live a completely different life instead of the one I do and I daydream about living in another world. But then, a voice inside my head nags me for practising escapism which is unreliable and doesn't really solve anything. I feel like my life will be: College > University > Work > Retire > Die. I don't feel like my life has any clear purpose. I wish I could something great with my life but that path seems unlikely for me. I feel like I'm just another ant in the world's economy.

    ...I just don't know what to do anymore...
     
  2. Eneever

    Eneever

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    I wish I had some magic words to help ease your pain and give you hope. I know how you feel, much of what you wrote could be a description of myself. There isn't really anyone I can talk to with ease, though there are a couple that it tends to come naturally most of the time, not even my parents. Meeting new people and developing a relationship is almost impossible for me and always has been. Any relationship that I have had came about slowly over periods of just happening to be sharing the same experience. I was fortunate in that I managed to find a couple of people that formed a strong lasting bond with me, however, I was well into my twenties before that happened. I honestly don't know what i would do or where I would be without them. Personally, I wouldn't try to force anything, that just tends to result in awkwardness, and if you do don't over think it. if there is a conversation going on throw your two cents in. At the worst there'll be a moment of awkwardness then everyone will move on.
     
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  3. melvin484

    melvin484

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    Well, I wish I was wise enough to say something, but you know what?

    Fudge it. Go talk to people, if it gets awkward, ignore it. Change the subject. You cant force to make friends, but you can easily get one. Just try your best. Like me, I never had any friends. I just played Video Games all the time. Until I found out that a kid just like me liveed right next to me. We hanged out, talked, until we were finally considered friends. Just try your best, and you will do something great. :D
     
  4. Stephfork

    Stephfork

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    Well, I'm really glad you posted this because I'm sure many people in this community have some advice and support for you to deal with this difficult stuff.

    I'm not a male, but I am an introvert and a college student so I can understand where you're coming from. The best thing for you to do is just keep trying to be social, keep being kind towards others, it will pay off eventually. Keep meeting people and try to find people who have similar interests, hobbies, whatever else. Just don't sacrifice who you are to make friends, true friends will accept you for who you are and whatever quirks you may have. :)

    College can be a social struggle at times, and most people genuinely don't appreciate the introverts and kind people, but I can almost guarantee later in life it will pay off. Like Eneever said, don't force conversations just for the sake of it, but don't be afraid to say "hi" or a simple "how are you?". Another idea would be to keep your eye open for any groups or clubs that may match your hobbies/interests because that could be a good opportunity to meet like-minded people.

    Keep your chin up. :)
     
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  5. squeezal

    squeezal

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    I too an an introvert. I've had many of the problems you have described (and am having some of them now). My secret weapon, however, is listening. What I've learned about people is that they want to be listened to. Which is good because I like listening better than talking. When I went to collage, I didn't know anyone, and I didn't really care to interact with people I didn't know, but when I did interact with people, I listened to them. That meant not thinking of what I was going to say while they were talking, or thinking of something else, but giving them my full attention.
    The funny thing is, all of these people sought me out latter. I became a small social hub. I would sit at the same table outside everyday and this group of people who had no connection to each other would form up around me, just because I was easy to talk to. That is how I gathered a group of friends in college.

    About the always being nice, I have a problem with that as well. However, if you are always willing to help people, and go the extra mile while not making a big deal about it, people tend to respect you for it. I've gathered a lot of respect at work simply because I don't turn people away. You will feel unappreciated though. I haven't found a solution to that yet.

    Never think you are going nowhere though. Introverts are thinkers. We tend to be pessimistic about situations because we look at all the variables. You are still in the narrow canyon life puts you in in school. Once school is over, you will have the entire world in front of you.
     
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  6. Eneever

    Eneever

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    Good advice, for everyone really, just don't let people use you. It's why a lot of people like me even though they don't really know me.
     
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  7. artsgal

    artsgal

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    Wow thats sounds like me too. I found that helping people does make me feel good only when they really need it. It makes them happy too. And theres nothing wrong with creating a fantasy world in your mind. I like to draw so I have created a wonderful place with the things that I love in it. I'm creating a world where small fairies live and not the tinkerbell kind. The lord of the Rings kind sort of. This world just gets richer and richer with detail. I found a sycamore leaf stem on the ground and it looks like a pipe I can use in this world. And I was thinking maybe sea shells would make an interesting clothing design. Since you like to write you can do the same kind of thing. I have found my artwork brings me friends that love seeing this world too. I think a lot of writers and artist dont have many friends but I'd rather find one or two really wonderful people as friends than be popular like some of the other girls. People that understand me "the extreme introvert". Ooooo and squeezal is one of them on Imdeity, he is really a good listener XD.
     

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