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[Critique] Fiver26's Plot (The Story Has Passed!)

Discussion in 'Creative Tips, Critiques, and Advice' started by Fiver26, December 16, 2013.

  1. Fiver26

    Fiver26

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    *pictures are only the outside/top of everything, there is hidden/underground areas you should explore before giving ideas)
    *pictures very not up to date*
    Rank #4
    Plot ID #2181
    Theme of build- 4 major(ish) Biomes


    Once again i have been rejected! (this is the message [​IMG] )


    I will take this time in stride and unfold the story a bit more, but this time just not the Dirt Kingdom will be upgraded! This time it will be my least favorite place, the Winter/Snow Kingdom! Thats right folks, they've found the tunnel from the Dirt and bared it up, they've even opened their own mine and found many things! Like the Dirt they have taken to the sky with these materials, but unlike using magic they will go to industry! Thats right, they are modernizing and building airplane like devises to attack their enemy's. Currently the only thing changed is some landscaping and the tunnel bared so no updated pictures.
    Hi all! This is your friendly internet issues player Fiver26 here! And boy could I use your help. A few months back I put my rank 4 plot up for review in order to see what comments it would get so I could make it so it would upgrade, well a month later I actually got the rejection (I knew it was coming, didn’t expect it to take so long though) but all it said on it was basically the same thing for the two comments. Needs more to it and dirt castles are unacceptable (though one suggested changing the dirt to clay). Now the thing is, my theme would not allow me to change the dirt to anything else.

    My theme being 4 biomes of my choice in their own little kingdoms, some working together and others against, but mainly using resources you would find in those areas for the build. Foresty river area got mainly wooden buildings with bridges and a mineshaft for their cobble, desert area got sandstone structures (which I hate btw, but it took forever so it stays) snow area got dark wood and plains got dirt(and now some cobble/lava) structures.

    Of course I know I probably need more things, I’ve already changed the dirt castle to something else dirt, but I need some help figuring out what those things are so it won’t (hopefully) take a month next time it gets reviewed, or hey, better idea! It gets approved next time!

    Here are some screenshots of the thing, feel free to go check it out in person!
    (there are some secret areas underground, find those yourself ;) )
    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]

    *Currently working on*
    -More trees in Foresty area
    -stumps in forest
    -Toying with more pillars for Dirt Kingdom
    -Loathing the Desert
    -some actual mines in forest area
    -some more to interior of forest
    -hoping it takes less than a month, even with holidays, to get reviews (around 12-16-13 i think)
    -Getting Suggestions from you!
    -
    Mines in Snow
    -Technology
    -Upgrading some of the buildings in Forest for attack fortification
    -Adding craters in dirt/sand/forest
    -More not so simple things to make the snow area look more modern

    *added*
    -different trees in forest
    -some underground things in dirt
    -some rooms off of trading tunnels
    -secret area under desert well
    -im not good at interiors when theirs not much space so its as good as it gets in the forest kingdom
    -area by water pillar and lava spot for siphoning
    -allot of stuff under dirt kingdom
    -Mines in forest
     
    Last edited: January 21, 2014
  2. Hallideadly

    Hallideadly

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    I remember this build from when I was in that plot size, Barry and me had a discussion about it too. You had not finished it yet of course and the sandstone temple was incomplete.

    I like the sandstone temple most. Clean simple lines, with subtle symmetry and something inside to pull the eye in. Nice.

    Your concept is unflawed. Four Biomes, each with it's own distinction. You have done a ton of placing, (Terraforming), but it is hidden to everyone as ground and I am sure we all want to see more structures and amazing things you come up with.

    This is only my opinion and it is meant to be just an opinion. :cool:

    Keep trying Fiver; I had to do a complete plot clear once when I thought I would be accepted but infact was rejected. :p
     
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  3. Fiver26

    Fiver26

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    :oops: Thank you!
     
  4. Hotfries456

    Hotfries456

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    Only thing that I can think of is a variation of blocks for the desert temple. Stone brick goes really well with sandstone, as does dark logs. Other than that, fantastic work.
     
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  5. Fiver26

    Fiver26

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    Thanks for the words of praise on this ^.^ (and hotfires, i would make some changes like the ones you suggested, but within the kingdoms the winter and desert are not the best friends, neither with the forest, so getting dark wood and stone would be difficult for them)
     
  6. Hallideadly

    Hallideadly

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    Put some clay in your water,(river), that will give you clay blocks as an option to make hardened clay and then dye the clay. more block options for your dirt biome.

    Each biome has a special unique block specific to each biome when mining. Desert biomes yield end stone blocks. Ocean biomes yield quartz, and so on.

    So now each biome has 2 more blocks to use, hope that helps a little.

    What about a multi level Trading hub in the very center of the plot, for each biome's merchants to obtain needed items. Multi level so as to avoid confrontation between each biome at the hub.
    just throwing out spam to you Fiver - with hopes to inspire :D
     
  7. MagicalUnicat

    MagicalUnicat

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    I think it just needs a tad bit more detail. Other than that, it is marvelous! :D
     
  8. SaintThunder

    SaintThunder

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    Something I think can help the plot is if a few of the structures were larger and had some interiors. At the moment it looks a bit too much like a scale model or a landmark on a map. To me structures don't really feel alive until there is something substantial inside of them.
     
  9. Fiver26

    Fiver26

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    ? but there are things on the insides, the only thing with nothing is the Sand Kingdom Temple
     
  10. SaintThunder

    SaintThunder

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    I'll have to revisit your plot, but I was thinking more along the lines of the towers in the dirt and wood kingdoms. Those in particular are important to the theme, but don't really have a lot in them. I'll come up with more specifics when I go back there again as it has been a few days since I was last there.

    *runs off to visit plot*

    Aside from the recommendation from Halli to possibly include clay into the rivers for clay block usage, which I think is a neat idea, here is what I have:

    Interior design:
    -The wood kingdom has some neat tunnels leading to each each other, but there really isn't a lot to them. There is a lot of space that just feels like it isn't being used. It's a potential area to look at.
    -Also connected with the tunnels, the wood kingdom outer towers are really thin. I think with tunnels leading to them they can be a bit larger and support more of an interior.
    -Another thing with the tunnels is that they connect to a dirt kingdom tower, and it is unclear why the dirt and wood kingdoms are so friendly with each other. The trade notifications don't make it clear what the dirt kingdom is trading for other goods. If they are trading cobble for wood - which the sign gives me the impression they are trading for cobble and wood - then I would suggest adding more wood in the dirt kingdom because it seems like the wood kingdom is getting the better end of the bargain.

    Exterior design:
    -The water tower in the dirt kingdom could act like a siphon and be pulling the water from an actual lake. Something similar could be done with the lava.
    -The wood kingdom could potentially make use of birch wood/planks in certain areas.
    -For a little bit more block variety in all the kingdoms, maybe each one could have a specific gem they mine from the ground or find and make use of. I was thinking Lapis for desert, redstone blocks for ice, emerald/iron/coal for dirt, and chiseled stone/quartz for wood.

    Thematic detail:
    -The dirt kingdom has a wall made of dirt and wood fences up against the ice kingdom. Being an "of the earth" kingdom, the straight up and down height seems a little too much. I think a more gradual height with a sheer drop would make for a better thematic wall.
    -The dirt kingdom seems to really be the ones that pull from the ground, so it could be possible to equip them with limited stone and iron. My initial thoughts were iron fencing could be used as spikes in pits or on walls.
    -Once again, having a more under the surface kind of feel, the dirt kingdom has surprisingly little underground. There are a few secret houses, but it would be cool to see some sort of underground city carved out of stone or even a few more buildings built low to the ground and partially underground.
    -There is some clear hostility between the dirt and ice kingdom, but neither seem to have weapons or machinery for any sort of war. Maybe if there was an armory somewhere or some item frames with weapons in them, that might add a little to that story.
    -For the desert kingdom, an hourglass with sand in it could potentially be neat... (I wanted to include the desert kingdom and that was the best I could come up with :p)


    Sorry for it being a lot, but hopefully you find something you like in there. In general I think the plot could benefit from slightly larger buildings in the dirt kingdom, a bit more interior decorating in the wood, and just some extra block variety in the others. I do like the ice kingdom, though, and it is pretty obvious you don't like the sand area much :p
     
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  11. Fiver26

    Fiver26

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    thanks for the in-depth ideas! Ive actually taken a few and put them into the build already, im just having issues trying to make the dirt kingdom buildings bigger, they just dont look like they fit in to anything :/ . Ive updated a list of things ive added, as well as my task list so you know what im planning on working on for it next :3 thanks for the help!
     
    Last edited: December 27, 2013
  12. Fiver26

    Fiver26

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    *updated main post*
     
  13. Hallideadly

    Hallideadly

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    Fiver - put more buildings on the ground outside in each biome. When they say that they see lots of the same, I think it refers to the trees and land.. Do more structures, buildings and such outside in each biome.

    Too much sand in sand biome, lots of the same - see what I mean? Add more buildings is the way to go I think *not really sure*
     
  14. DoCharlieBrown

    DoCharlieBrown

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    it looks nice but i agree with adding more on to the sandstone part...
     
  15. Fiver26

    Fiver26

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    i have actually added a bit to each biome already, and the pictures here are rather out of date because of it (though remember, in a time when technology obviously isnt really a thing, not much would be in a desert because of the heat, some things have already changed but still, common sense)
     

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